Three Things, Yea Four
© 1998 Don Rogers
The woman in her mid thirties had told me some about herself, including the information that she had a five year old son and a three month old daughter. When I casually commented, "That's nice. One of each." she had responded, "There would have been three boys but twins were stillborn."
After we had talked some more and I had learned how important it was for her to be a Kindergarten church school teacher, and how she had learned in an adult class and such I asked, hesitantly, can you put into words what you learned in the tragedy of the stillborn twins.
She paused long enough for eyes to fill with tears and said in a strong quiet voice, "Yes, I can tell you."
"I learned three things. I learned humility, anger and compassion."
"I learned humilty because I had done everything perfectly and it didn't work. Everyone told me how well I was doing during the eight months of that pregnancy. The doctor, my husband, friends all congratulated me on being able to be a mother of a little boy and not gain a lot of weight and do just what I was supposed to do and then, it didn't work. It didn't work. I learned how little control I have over things that really matter. I learned humility."
"I learned anger. I didn't have to learn to generate anger. I had plenty of anger. I had to learn how to be angry with God. All loving, all powerful, gracious God couldn't lift a finger to prevent the death of those boys. I was angry at God big time, and feeling guilty for being angry. The diaconal minister, the pastor, others helped me to see that it was okay to be angry at God. God knows anger. God is big enough to hear our anger. God knows how human beings operate. I learned how to be angry at God and still be okay."
"I learned compassion. You know how we say to people, 'I know just how you feel.' Well now, in one major area of pain, one that it seems difficult for a lot of care-givers to handle, I know. I do know just how a woman who loses a child this way feels. I have found I can be of help. I don't have a bunch of answers, of course. But I can say with all the depth of my being, 'I know just how you feel,' and it seems to help."
"And I learned a fourth thing. I have found great comfort in some childish ideas about heaven. They aren't ideas that would hold up under adult scrutiny perhaps. I think of my twins waiting for me in heaven so I can be their mother and raise them. And I see them in a different way sitting with the Greatest Story Teller of all and hearing His stories. One of the reasons I love to teach the Kindergarten children is because they help me remember some important child dimensions of my faith."